God knows I have had my share of troubles over the years that caused me sleepless nights! So believe it when I tell you that I am no stranger to locking myself away from the rest of the world and having a good cry.
Over the years, the personal challenges that I have been faced with have made me so much stronger today; yet admittedly, it took me quite some time to learn one very important lesson. Actually, I am not ashamed to share with you that it took me nearly 40 years to get this!
“The quality of our life is moreso dependent on how we react to challenging situations than the actual situation itself.”
Recently, I made a conscious decision that I will only entertain situations in my life that bring me peace of mind. In otherwords, if a situation is not positively contributing to my quality of life or general sense of happiness, I will avoid it by all means, especially when toxic people are involved. Recognising that this will not always be possible, particularly because of my personality and passion for helping others, my new commitment to self is to make a genuine contibution to the situation at hand and then step aside; accepting that I have played my part by offering what I perceive to be a viable solution.
This shift in mindset and approach has already started to take effect. I have shocked some family members by not getting involved in the constant family drama, certainly surprised some colleagues and best of all, gave myself the gift of feeling lighter. Like literally, I feel like I am carrying around much less weight these days. And in case you were wondering, no I do not feel the least bit guilty for letting go of situations, people or things that seriously affect my peace of mind.
40 years later, I am finally committed to self-preservation. I am fixated on pursuing a better quality of life and God knows I have certainly earned it. Coming to the realisation that life is way too short to always be so intensely involved in stressful situations, I have decided it is time to have fun ~ time to truly allow myself to enjoy the fruits of my labor.
I have always been quite the optimist, believing in people and being a change agent in every sense of the word. Leading from the front, finding resolutions to all the drama presented by my family members, while fighting daily to keep my own family together. Being the “Fixer” is no easy feat! I lived in a constant state of stress (honestly don’t know how Olivia Pope did it). I wish I could say that stress no longer exists in my life; but we all know that would be a joke. That being said, I truly am being intentional in the things I allow to consume my time, thoughts and energy. Most people in my life have been forewarned about this change in mindset so I am just busy focusing on creating memories; and the really good ones too.
In my career, I am focused on developing others (well those that want to be developed anyway) and embracing new challenges. In my personal life, it’s all about spending as much quality time with my loved ones. My husband has already recognised the change as many situations no longer catch my attention; as hubby naturally he is given first right of refusal to join me on any new endeavours; however, his lack of response or enthusiam no longer cause me to hesitate, re-think or delay my plans. As for my mum, Amyah and my nieces and nephews, I love them to bits so being there for them now gets a greater slice of the pie. We all know that life gets hectic really quickly so a greater effort is placed on finding the time to chill with my girls because they really are a source of inspiration.
Many people have surely disappointed me and caused me pain in my lifetime; yet I continue to embrace people. I have grown much more selective however about the people I allow in my personal space. Some people can be very toxic and for someone like me that tries to see some glimmer of hope and good in every person and situation, this used to be a real source of mental fatigue.
But no more I say! If your vibe isn’t right, stay in your lane! My energy is reserved for raising my daughter, building my career, mentoring others and planning vacation escapes with my family and friends.
While I wrap up until next time, I’ll let you in on my little secret. I suspect that more people (family included) will get my voicemail recording; and others, certainly less venting time. Laughter, happiness and positive vibes are the new order of the day because I can no longer afford to sacrifice my peace of mind…..